Rewriting Life's Script
Transforming Painful Narratives into Empowering Journeys
"Change the voices in your head; make them like you instead." — P!nk
It's a universal experience, isn't it? The moment we're sailing smoothly through life, only to have our perceptions shattered. It could be as profound as realizing a long-term relationship, believed to be monogamously blissful, was, in fact, riddled with years of infidelity. Or perhaps it's something less dramatic, yet equally jarring. Or, worse still, something far more devastating.
Consider the inverse scenario: years squandered under the cloud of perceived wrongs, only to discover they never occurred. 'The Upside of Anger' (2005) offers a poignant illustration — spoiler alert! The film narrates Terry Wolfmeyer's conviction that her husband, Grey, had deserted their family for his secretary in Sweden. Only years later does a twist of fate reveal the truth: Grey's accidental demise in a well, not abandonment, was the real tragedy.
If you're reading with keen attention, you might now ponder a paradoxical thought. If life seems rosy, could an unforeseen truth shatter this pleasant illusion? Conversely, if you're amidst chaos, might it all be just a misinterpretation of reality? The crux lies not in the truth itself, but in the narratives we weave around it.
"There’s the flat tire, and then there’s the story about the flat tire." — Tony Robbins
While we can't control every flat tire life throws our way, the narratives we construct are entirely ours to command. These stories shape our understanding and interpretation of past events, our mental imprints, our perceptions. And you've likely heard the adage, "Perception is reality." So, dismissing the notion of altering the past as mere wordplay might be short-sighted.
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." — Albert Einstein
Embracing Defeat
Changing a disempowering narrative isn't a trivial endeavor, especially when it's intertwined with one's identity. It's akin to holding onto a stock, hoping against hope for a turnaround that recoups lost fortunes. While I lack empirical data to back this, I'd venture that most people never even attempt to challenge their stories, perhaps ensnared in the illusion that these narratives are immutable truths.
George Foreman's shocking defeat to Muhammad Ali in the 1974 "Rumble in the Jungle" was devastating and caused him to do some deep soul-searching. Though he had been an intimidating presence in the ring, channeling his anger and aggression, the loss made him realize he needed to change his approach - both in boxing and in life.
Rather than wallowing in defeat, Foreman used the experience to reinvent himself. He stepped away from boxing for 10 years and found religion, which helped him let go of his bitter anger and embrace more positive emotions like joy and kindness. When he returned in his late 30s, he was calmer, happier, and realized boxing could be about more than just winning and intimidation.
His comeback was stunning. Though past his prime, he reclaimed the heavyweight title at age 45 - the oldest ever to do so. More touching, he used his fame and fortune to launch charitable efforts and give back to his Houston community. From a feared brute, he transformed into a beloved figure and role model.
If we let it, what seems like the worst defeat can shift our identity and values for the better. Though failure is difficult, it presents opportunities for growth we can't imagine. Foreman's loss in Zaire led him to find a more meaningful life purpose beyond just sporting glory. By changing his outlook, he achieved greater personal fulfillment and inspired many more people in the process. His story shows that our greatest setbacks sometimes put us on the path toward our best selves.
Embracing Adversity
What if you never achieved greatness and life decided to deal you a bad card from the start? Sean Stephenson was born with a rare bone disorder that stunted his growth. Doctors predicted he wouldn't survive past age 5. Despite this, he persevered through endless surgeries and the cruelty of schoolyard bullies. Rather than becoming bitter and defeated, Sean dedicated himself to motivational speaking. Though just three feet tall, he stood ten feet tall in character. His messages about facing limitations with hope and humor have uplifted millions.
Like George Foreman, Sean fundamentally shifted how he viewed his disability and the purpose it might serve. Rather than lamenting the poor hand life dealt him, he began asking why this was happening for, not just to, him. Sean looked for the opportunities and strengths forged in the fire of adversity. He uncovered reserves of fortitude to push past predicted limits for someone so disabled. Sean found his suffering honed his empathy for others in emotional or physical pain. This spurred his calling to uplift people with disabilities to see new possibilities for joy and achievement.
Most of all, Sean's condition drove him to discover his talent for making motivational speeches that infused hope into despair. Without those severe physical constraints, he may never have unearthed this gift for transforming mindsets. What seemed a tragic liability became the foundation for improving countless lives. With gratitude and intentional positivity, Sean helped people reshape their mindset as he did - to define themselves not by disability but by ability. He turned his greatest weakness into a source of strength and meaning. Sean found purpose not in spite of his hardship, but because of it. His life embodies how we can rewrite even the harshest stories into testaments to courage and resilience.
Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you are less than, less than fuckin’ perfect
Yet, for the world to witness your inherent perfection, the primary challenge is simple yet profound: Be authentically you, not a shadow molded by past experiences. Take a moment here. Reflect. Re-read if you must. It's crucial to distinguish between who you truly are, and the identity shaped by your past — in essence, your personal narratives.
It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. — Tom Robbins
Embracing Life
In 1999 I had the privilege of going through a visualization performed by Joseph McClendon III, Tony Robbins No. 1 Performance Coach. Years later I asked him if it was something written down somewhere. His reply was, “Unfortunately I do not have that in written form. Most of the time it is of the cuff, and I’m in the flow.” So, until someone on Tony's team pulls the recording, which will probably never happen, this is what I remember —
Imagine journeying back through your past, witnessing every pivotal moment that sculpted your life as it stands today. Visualize the faces of your friends, both old and new. Recall the very instant you crossed paths with them. Some may have been recent acquaintances, while others have journeyed alongside you for most of your life.
Reflect on the path that led you to your current residence. What was that transition like? Now, think about what fills you with pride. Is it your family? Your career? Or perhaps the wisdom you've amassed over the years? How about the moment you met your spouse? Relive those shared experiences, both joyous and challenging. How have the tough times fortified your bond?
Consider the car you drive now. Recall the last mishap you had — I'm certain there's at least one. What about your proudest achievements? Now, let's venture even further back, before your professional life began. Remember your schoolmates, including those who might not have been fond of you. Think about your favorite subjects, and those you didn't prefer. Recall your first romantic experiences, the thrill of your first kiss, your first serious relationship.
What about your first car? The food you used to eat — I bet your tastes have evolved since then. Reflect on the neighborhood of your youth, the abundance of free time, and the world that surrounded you. Can you picture your childhood home? The places where you played?
Visualize that world in your mind. Look around to those familiar places and find your favorite one. Do you see a child there? Lift that child and embrace them with all the love in your heart, until you merge into one soul. Recognize that this child is you. Before releasing them, whisper gently, “It’s going to be all right.”
Then, as you let go, take a moment to appreciate how far you've journeyed. Relish and be grateful for this moment. Your life is a gift to you. What you do with it is your gift to God. Become the miracle you seek.
In the fabric of life, every thread — be it the heartache of divorce, the solemn finality of death, or even high school — has its purpose. Each experience, no matter how challenging or seemingly insurmountable at the time, contributes to the rich mosaic that defines us. These moments, in all their complexity, were not mere obstacles but integral milestones on the path to the present.
Every note — the joyous, the painful, the triumphant — harmonizes to create the melody of our existence. The past, with its myriad experiences, shapes us but does not define us. Our resilience in the face of adversity, our capacity for love and forgiveness, and our relentless pursuit of growth and understanding, these are the true measures of our journey.
Let us carry forward the lesson that every moment, every encounter, every challenge, has been a stepping stone to the here and now. In the grand design of our lives, each piece fits perfectly, leading us to this very moment of realization and gratitude.
In essence, the most profound counsel we can offer to our younger selves, and to each other, transcends mere words—it's a heartfelt assurance: It is going to be all right. This belief, this unwavering trust in the journey, serves as our compass, guiding us through life's myriad ebbs and flows, and even as we approach the final pages of our own story. It reassures us that every twist, every turn, and every concluding chapter has its rightful place in our narrative. Armed with this understanding, let us move forward, embracing not only each new day but also the eventual, inevitable end with grace and courage, recognizing it as a vital and natural part of our extraordinary life.
