Extreme Ownership

Navy SEAL Wisdom for Conquering Life's Battles and Banishing the Art of Complaining

This is a rewritten post from Medium in 2016. It was inspired by a book, “Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win," that goes far deeper into layers of extreme ownership and is well worth a read. From their website on a page, on an internet far, far, in the past:

In Extreme Ownership, Jocko Willink and Leif Babin share hard-hitting, Navy SEAL combat stories that translate into lessons for business and life. With riveting first-hand accounts of making high-pressure decisions as Navy SEAL battlefield leaders, this book is equally gripping for leaders who seek to dominate other arenas. Jocko and Leif served together in SEAL Task Unit Bruiser, the most highly decorated Special Operations unit from the war in Iraq. Their efforts contributed to the historic triumph for U.S. forces in Ramadi. Through those difficult months of sustained combat, Jocko, Leif and their SEAL brothers learned that leadership — at every level — is the most important thing on the battlefield. They started Echelon Front to teach these same leadership principles to companies across industries throughout the business world that want to build their own high-performance, winning teams.

Imagine translating the high-stakes wisdom of Navy SEALs into business tactics and further, into the realm of everyday life. This potent blend promises a roadmap to success. These are strategies born in the crucible of the most extreme risks — where life itself hangs in the balance. Now, consider applying these tactics to scenarios where the stakes are personal failure rather than life and death. How much further could you push the boundaries of your potential? Dive into the book, embrace its lessons, and embark on a journey to discover just how transformative these teachings can be.

Are you guilty of these common grievances? Ignoring phone calls, perpetually arriving late, lamenting over perpetual cash shortages, or grumbling about being too old, too young, or too anything? Add to that litany the chorus of modern life complaints: Everything is too expensive, people are getting stupider, all this processed food is killing us, crime is out of control, today’s music is all derivative trash. Recognize the pattern? It's the classic art of complaining.

Interestingly, the link from 2011, highlighting these grievances, humorously resonates even more today. Yet, the ultimate punchline remains unchanged: Complaining is a choice that, more often than not, ensnares us deeper into the very issues we bemoan, instead of liberating us from them.

Gary Vaynerchuk's vehement stance against complaining is more than a mere quirk; it's a profound life philosophy. He expresses frustration not towards those relishing their leisure time with video games or Netflix, but towards those who engage in these pastimes while bemoaning unfulfilled dreams and stagnant financial growth. Vaynerchuk underscores a crucial point: contentment equates to victory, but complaining signals unresolved aspirations. The antidote? Action over lamentation. This ethos, inspired by his mother's indomitable spirit, is a guiding principle in his life. Vaynerchuk champions a proactive approach to life's challenges, viewing complaints as unproductive. In his eyes, the only acceptable grievances are those beyond our control, like health crises. For everything else, he advocates self-audit and action, reminding us that complaining achieves nothing, while tackling problems head-on paves the way to personal and professional success.

To echo a memorable line from the fictional character Raylan Givens:

"If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole."

This pithy observation captures the essence of the issue: while not the sole factor, habitual complaining is a significant contributor to a negative outlook on life. For this narrative, let's simplify the analysis. If you find yourself caught in the web of complaints, here are two directions to look.

#1 The First Test of the Day

Discipline starts every day when the first alarm clock goes off in the morning. I say “first alarm clock” because I have three, as I was taught by one of the most feared and respected instructors in SEAL training: one electric, one battery powered, one windup. That way, there is no excuse for not getting out of bed, especially with all that rests on that decisive moment. The moment the alarm goes off is the first test; it sets the tone for the rest of the day. The test is not a complex one: when the alarm goes off, do you get up out of bed, or do you lie there in comfort and fall back to sleep? If you have the discipline to get out of bed, you win — you pass the test. If you are mentally weak for that moment, and you let that weakness keep you in bed, you fail. Though it seems small, that weakness translates to more significant decisions. But if you exercise discipline, that too translates to more substantial elements of your life.

Often, we underestimate the simplicity of our problems, and consequently, our solutions fall short. The act of getting out of bed on time may appear trivial—just set an alarm, right? But what if that first alarm fails? It's not always about increasing the volume of what you're already doing. Despite what we may have learned from comedy, firepower isn't always the answer.

Sometimes, it's about reassessing your strategy. If your challenge is rising from bed, consider tackling it from a different angle. Ari Meisel, in his book "Less Doing, More Living: Make Everything in Life Easier," suggests manipulating sleep timing.

The idea behind sleep timing is simple. The general sleep cycle is 1.5 hours, and you want at least three cycles per night. If you don’t get enough, or if you wake up in the middle of a cycle, you won’t feel well rested. To find out when you need to go to bed, you can work backward from the time when you wake up, then add fifteen minutes to fall asleep. For example, if you need to get up at 5:30 a.m., then subtracting 1.5-hour intervals takes you to 4:00 a.m., 2: 30 a.m., 1:00 a.m., 11:30 p.m. You also need to add fifteen minutes for falling asleep, so to get four complete cycles, you need to go to bed at 11:15 p.m. To get five cycles, you’d go to bed at 9:45 p.m. If you’re getting enough hours of sleep but waking up groggy, it could very well be because you’re off by fifteen minutes, and you’re waking up at the wrong point in the cycle. That’s an easy fix that can make a big difference.

Beyond the mechanics of sleep, consider your motivation for getting up. What drives you out of bed each day? Blaming the ineffectiveness of your alarm or labeling yourself as 'not a morning person' is a convenient excuse, but it won't propel you further in life. It's about finding a compelling reason to start your day with vigor and purpose.

#2 You Are Most Likely Wrong About What You Think Is Beyond Your Control

You may be vastly underestimating your sphere of influence. If you were to read just one chapter from Jocko Willink and Leif Babin's book, I'd recommend Chapter 10, "Leading Up and Down the Chain of Command." Notice the concept of 'Leading Up' the chain. This notion, that one can assert leadership even over superiors, is profoundly significant, especially in a setting as structured as the military. If such a concept holds water in the armed forces, renowned for their stringent hierarchy, imagine the potential it unlocks in less rigid environments like our everyday workplaces and personal lives.

The chapter isn't explicitly about overcoming perceived constraints, but the underlying principle is universally applicable. Often, we box ourselves in with excuses: someone's on vacation, it's the weekend, a decision won't be made for another 30 days, we've already faced rejection, and so on. But remember, the world doesn't pause — it's in constant motion, 24/7. There's always room to advance towards a goal, even if you feel trapped in a limbo of waiting. This is where the distinction between passive waiting and active preparation comes into play. It's about utilizing this time for education, preparation, risk mitigation, exploring alternatives, and seeking deeper insights. The essence is clear: if achieving a goal is crucial, the determined will always find a way to progress, while those who default to complaining will remain stagnant, lamenting their perceived helplessness. Winners will find a way to work on a solution while the complainers complain there is nothing they can do.

Turning Challenges into Triumphs

Success, in its purest form, is the art of turning challenges into triumphs. It begins with the first decision of the day: to rise with purpose, setting a tone of determination and focus. This act, simple yet profound, mirrors our approach to life's greater challenges. It's a daily reminder that our choices, no matter how small, shape our journey.

The true essence of achievement lies in our response to life's hurdles. It's about embracing leadership in every facet of our existence, recognizing that we have more control than we often realize. By replacing complaints with actions, we unlock a path of relentless progress. This journey demands a mindset shift—from passive observer to active participant in our own narrative. Embrace this approach, and watch as every facet of your life transforms, driven by the power of disciplined action and unwavering resolve.